Sunday Parenting Party - Our experiences with rugby classes

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Its time for the Sunday Parenting Party. Please link up your parenting posts and check out what others have linked up. Please don't link Kids activity posts, they can be linked to Kids Coop. This week I am linking the following:

***** (Goblin is 44 months)

Goblin has been going to a rugby class since January. He doesn't normally handle classes well. Following other people's structures and rules doesn't sit comfortably with him. In music classes he has exhibited his displeasure by either running around the room while others sat and followed the teachers instructions, or he has cowered in a corner. But we figured playing on the things he does love - being outside and running around - would help him acclimatise to the rugby class. 

It didn't.

We are now in the second term of the class and Goblin is the only child who still refuses to run the length of the pitch unless I am with him. This 'classroom' behaviour is completely out of character. In a wood or at the zoo Goblin would be the child disappearing round the corner with out a care. I would be the parent jogging to keep up or frantically screaming at him to wait. But at rugby it's different. The parents all line up on the touch line watching their kids.  Except for me. I am the one running along the side of the pitch to encourage my child to participate. If I go and stand on the touch line Goblin simply walks off. He goes and hides behind the shed, or wanders to the far end of the field or sits in a corner and eats grass. Yes he eats grass - because the other parents don't think we are strange enough already!!! 

I had started to fret about his inability to join in and follow basic instructions. In fact Hublet and I had started to get quite cross with him - firstly because we started to feel it was a waste of money, but also because we were starting to get a bit embarrassed. But we discussed why we were sending him to classes. We knew he didn't really like that format of class based activities but we wanted him to experience that type of structure and get used to having to interact with kids on terms that weren't his own. At the same time we wanted him to have fun. So we started to approach the classes in a more relaxed way and not get too stressed out when Goblin chose to sit on the side lines. And we started to notice that while I was the only parent consistently having to run alongside my child, Goblin certainly wasn't the only child opting out of certain parts of the class, bursting into tears, and having mini meltdowns (it had just felt that way when all our focus was on our child). 

I also started to notice when Goblin was feeling uncomfortable. It tended to be when he had to do something with all the children in one big group. That's when he started to just give up. I think he doesn't like the pressure. The coach noticed it to and now when Goblin is looking like he won't join in, the coach will call him over and get him to help with what ever he is doing - often chasing down the other kids, which Goblin much prefers to being chased. 

In a few short weeks Goblin has gained some confidence and although he still spends a lot of the class sitting out the activities, he has decided he does like the running races (i don't think he realises they are a race). And he will run them without me. In fact he now tells me off if I start running with him. A mini breakthrough. 

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My recommended reads from last week are
The itchy sweater ~ Creekside learning
Preparing your child for a new sibling ~ Mum of one
When a parent has surgery ~ Stir the wonder
A journey in sleep training ~ my nearest and dearest
I remember life before twin toddlers ~ Mummy Musings and Mayhem

And now to the linky
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Kids Coop - Board Games for 3 - 4 year olds

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Its time for Kids Coop, please link up your kids activity posts and check out what everyone else is up to. This week I am linking the following:
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(Goblin is 44 months)

I'm excited because Goblin has started to want to play games with rules. I have to admit that given his tendency to do his own thing regardless, I hadn't thought that board games would be his thing, but apparently they are. We have had some hits and some misses so I wanted to share a few that have been real successes.

1: Candy Land

This is by far top of the bill. It is super easy to play and your child only needs to know their colours and be able to count to 2. The game involves up to 4 people who have to go from the beginning of the board to the castle at the end, along the coloured square path. To move you take a card from the pile. It has either one coloured square or two squares of the same colour. You move to the next square of the colour, or if there are two squares you move to the second square of that colour. See I told you it was easy. 

There are however a handful of 'wild cards'. These are pictures of candy that match a single picture on the board. If you get that card you move to where ever that picture is. This can create a massive advantage if you move early in the game to the end of the path, but equally it can send you right back to the beginning if you get an early picture and you are near the end of the path. If your child is a sensitive sort who is likely to throw a fit if this happens to them you can just remove those cards from the pack. We were pleasantly surprised by how well Goblin handled it when he was sent back, but I think that is because we were playing it as a fun game rather than a competition to get to the end first. We also keep playing until every player has finished so there is no urgency to be the winner.
This game teaches basic counting and observation skills, turn taking and patience and how to be a gracious winner or loser.

2: Go Away Monster

Go Away Monster is for up to four players. Each player has a board which is a picture of a bedroom with four bits of furniture missing. To get your furniture you take turns to dip your hand in the mystery bag and pull out a piece using only feel to determine wether its a piece of furniture you need or a monster. If its a monster you pull out you shout "GO AWAY MONSTER" and throw it into the box. The aim is to complete your room before all the monsters are pulled out.
This game reminds me of Montessori mystery bags. It teaches a child to use the sense of feel rather than sight to identify and object. The game would be utterly awesome of the shapes were three dimensional but it is still fun with the two dimensional shapes. Goblin enjoys playing this although he doesn't shout at the monsters, he says "hello Monster" before placing them carefully in the box - and he isn't too interested in not pulling out monsters.

3: Formula D

When Hublet first brought this game home I sighed inwardly. It looked really complicated and I predicted Goblin based meltdowns as Hublet tried to explain the rules. However, while it can be played by adults with all the more complicated rules applied, this game is also very accessible to preschoolers on a much simpler level. Children need to be able to count to about 30 and recognise numerical digits. That said Goblin can't count beyond 12 and doesn't recognise any numbers above 5 and was still happily able to play this with a bit of assistance.
The game involves very tiny cars - the type that babies would swallow and choke on - which you line up on the starter grid. Each player has a gear box and on each turn you decide whether to stick in the gear you are in, go up a gear or go down a gear - this dictates which dice you use. The lower gears have dice that only generate low numbers and the higher gears have dice that generate higher numbers. You roll your dice and move that many squares. If two cars land next to each other a dice is rolled to determine whether there has been any damage incurred to either car. At various points around the race track there are sections where you must land/stop or you incur damage. Hence having to change up and down gear - if you are two spaces away from a section you need to stop in you don't want to be rolling a dice that will give you an 8 or higher because you won't land in the section.
Confused? Yeah it is more complicated than the other two games which are specifically made for kids, but Goblin sat and played this with us for an entire half hour and followed the rules as we explained them. I think it helped that he is obsessed by vehicles.
This game teaches counting, turn taking, numerical recognition, graceful winning and losing, patiences and how to drive stick!

Other games we have tried that haven't been so popular in our family include
Connect 4 - Goblin isn't interested in the rules and turn taking aspect which may be because he had this game as a Montessori activity when he was a baby - I used to let him post the counters in to improve his gross motor and fine motor movements.
Ludo - Goblin just gets bored, it takes too long fo rthe game to finish with nothing interesting happening except taking turns to move a piece forward.
Snap  - he enjoys it but doesn't quite get it and often the packs we play with have too few snaps.

I'd love to hear any recommendations you have for board games for this age group.
And now to the linky 

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The Sunday Parenting Party - What's wrong with my child!

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I'm guessing most parents have moments when they think "Oh my goodness what is wrong with my child ... why are they doing/saying/being X". Over the half term week Goblin had a bit of a personality change. If I think about it it hadn't been sudden. He had been slowly building up to it with an increase in screaming tantrums and sulky responses to very basic requests. But it felt like it came to a crescendo that week. I used to say that full-on melt downs weren't a normal part of Goblin's repertoire but I don't really feel like I can say that anymore. With several such tantrums daily they had apparently become Modus Operandi chez Goblin. And we are still feeling our way in terms of handling them. 

By the end of the week I'd had enough and turned to some bloggy chums for some advice and support. 

To my surprise both said that their boys were acting in a similar manor. We brainstormed possible reasons and helpful approaches but mainly took solace in the fact that we weren't alone in dealing with this. I confessed that, not for the first time, I'd wondered whether Goblin was showing signs of ADHD,  because his ability to be hyper had ramped up more than a notch. Deep down I'm pretty sure I knew this was just another phase that we needed to ride out. But it was getting really tough and a little scary not knowing what to do. Looking at my 'real life' friends who's kids don't seem to be going through this right now made me embarrassed. Like I had done something in my parenting approach that had created this 'crazy' in my child. But chatting to my virtual chums reassured me that that's probably not the case. 

One of my buddies suggested that his changed behaviour might have been a testosterone surge. In my moment of desperation I was relieved to have something to attribute the behaviour to which wasn't "my child is just a brat". It really helped me approach Goblin in a more favourable and calm way. And towards the end of the week his attitude seemed a lot less sulky, feisty and argumentative even if his energy levels were still at eleven. His change in demeanour may have been because he'd had time to process what to do with his emotions, or it could have been because I was looking at him and treating him differently. I was looking at him like a child who was going through something and struggling, a child I needed to help and support - rather than a child who was making me go through something. 

I don't know whether Goblin was going through any hormonal changes (probably not) but that isn't really the point. The point is, I changed the way I approached him. When I remembered that tantrums were about him having a hard time, rather than him trying to give me a hard time, I found it a lot easier to stay calm and help him become calmer. 

PS: I'd like to thank Theboyandme and Kat from Creative Playhouse for helping me get out of my black hole and take approach things with a healthier perspective. Goblin is back to his loving and kind self. Yes his energy levels are still off the charts but the agression and sulkyness has declined and we are no longer a logger heads - Hurrah!

PPS: I did some research on the internet into testosterone surges in young boys. It is something that Psychologist Steve Biddulph suggests, in his book "Raising Boys", happens to boy children around the age of 3 - 4. My search for medical verification of this drew a blank. All references to testosterone surges in male toddlers that I found on the internet led back to referencing "Raising Boys".  Psychologist Steve Biddulph's source in his book is an article in Esquire magazine. So I am unclear as to whether testosterone surges are a genuine thing, but for me it doesn't really matter, the suggestion that there was an external reason helped me refocus my approach. 

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My recommended reads from last week include 

Talking about death with children ~ Mums make Lists

12 alternatives to Time Out ~ Positive Parenting Connection

Tantrums: Am I part of the problem ~ Pricklymom

Trouble with Transition ~ PlayDrMom

10 things that make me go '*%$#@*'! ~ Seeking Shade

Also the Mindful Parenting e-bundle offer runs out on 10 June 2013 so don't miss out

And now to the Linky

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Kids Coop - Ice cream vans

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*****
(Goblin is 43 months)

 Last week we got a piece of furniture delivered. We left the box out for Goblin to find in the morning. He was very excited by the possibilities of what could be made from the box. But he had to go to nursery and leave the box behind.

Four hours later Goblin returned to find his Daddy had made him an ice cream truck. There was a little chair inside so he could sit and drive it (using the movable steering wheel). 

Hublet had even printed out the Caution children at play sign for the back, as well as a Ford logo for the front and an Ice cream price list for the side. The back van door had a working latch constructed from a set of wooden nuts and bolts that Goblin has.  

 I whipped up a few batches of playdough - chocolate, vanilla, strawberry - and we put in the two we already had (blue and red which Goblin said was melon flavour, and blue which Goblin decided was raspberry). 

 And an entire days play was mapped out for the whole family.

Sorry folks, for some reason my linky isn't allowing anyone to add a link this week. If you want to link up please jump over to B.Inspired Mama and link up. But for those of you looking for inspiration here is the linky

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Bressingham Steam museum

(Goblin is 43 months)

Recently I took Goblin to Bressingham Steam and Gardens. Its over an hours drive away but I planned it so he could nap in the car. He has been hassling me to take him to see steam trains for a while. We normally go to some nearer home but they are only open at the weekends and all our weekends for the foreseeable future appear to be jam packed with activities, so I needed to find somewhere that was open on a school day.

The site is not as large as I'd thought it would be from the pictures on the website. But never the less it boasts an impressive three running narrow gauge railways. It also has three large sheds with full size steam engines and traction engines on display. But Goblin was most impressed by the model railways. In fact he would probably have insisted on doing the hours drive just for these. At one point I wondered if we'd ever make it out of the model railway exhibits and onto any of the trains.

This feeling didn't disappear when Goblin also discovered a little kids playroom with soft play for tiny toddlers and a brio train track for his age group. There is plenty to see without this room and a part of me wondered why I was spending half an hour watching my child play with a brio set in Bressingham when we have one at home. But Goblin seemed to be very excited by it so I let him play. Eventually I managed to convince him to ride one of the trains.

We were the only people on the smallest of the three trains which rides along the side of the beautiful gardens. Goblin and I could see right into the fire box as the driver loaded the coal ready to go. Every half hour the larger narrow gauge also runs. We discovered that this train runs along parallel to a twin steam train and they cross tracks several times giving passengers on both trains the opportunity to take pictures of the other train. Its a great idea and it was really exciting seeing which train woudl arrive at the crossings first. The journey take twenty minutes which was a perfect length for us.

If you are thinking of visiting you might like to know that as well as the trains and gardens there is a playground, a 9 hole crazy golf course and a slightly out of place old fashioned penny arcade with lots of 20p ride on vehicles (like you find in supermarkets). There is also a carousel in the middle of the site which again felt a little bit out of place. The cafe does some nice cooked food and sandwiches but in the day we went there was only one person serving so service was extremely slow which wasn't optimal for a small hungry person. All in all I think we'll visit again, but I wish it was slightly closer and slightly cheaper.
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