I'm guessing most parents have moments when they think "Oh my goodness what is wrong with my child ... why are they doing/saying/being X". Over the half term week Goblin had a bit of a personality change. If I think about it it hadn't been sudden. He had been slowly building up to it with an increase in screaming tantrums and sulky responses to very basic requests. But it felt like it came to a crescendo that week. I used to say that full-on melt downs weren't a normal part of Goblin's repertoire but I don't really feel like I can say that anymore. With several such tantrums daily they had apparently become Modus Operandi chez Goblin. And we are still feeling our way in terms of handling them.
By the end of the week I'd had enough and turned to some bloggy chums for some advice and support.
By the end of the week I'd had enough and turned to some bloggy chums for some advice and support.
To my surprise both said that their boys were acting in a similar manor. We brainstormed possible reasons and helpful approaches but mainly took solace in the fact that we weren't alone in dealing with this. I confessed that, not for the first time, I'd wondered whether Goblin was showing signs of ADHD, because his ability to be hyper had ramped up more than a notch. Deep down I'm pretty sure I knew this was just another phase that we needed to ride out. But it was getting really tough and a little scary not knowing what to do. Looking at my 'real life' friends who's kids don't seem to be going through this right now made me embarrassed. Like I had done something in my parenting approach that had created this 'crazy' in my child. But chatting to my virtual chums reassured me that that's probably not the case.
One of my buddies suggested that his changed behaviour might have been a testosterone surge. In my moment of desperation I was relieved to have something to attribute the behaviour to which wasn't "my child is just a brat". It really helped me approach Goblin in a more favourable and calm way. And towards the end of the week his attitude seemed a lot less sulky, feisty and argumentative even if his energy levels were still at eleven. His change in demeanour may have been because he'd had time to process what to do with his emotions, or it could have been because I was looking at him and treating him differently. I was looking at him like a child who was going through something and struggling, a child I needed to help and support - rather than a child who was making me go through something.
I don't know whether Goblin was going through any hormonal changes (probably not) but that isn't really the point. The point is, I changed the way I approached him. When I remembered that tantrums were about him having a hard time, rather than him trying to give me a hard time, I found it a lot easier to stay calm and help him become calmer.
PS: I'd like to thank Theboyandme and Kat from Creative Playhouse for helping me get out of my black hole and take approach things with a healthier perspective. Goblin is back to his loving and kind self. Yes his energy levels are still off the charts but the agression and sulkyness has declined and we are no longer a logger heads - Hurrah!
PPS: I did some research on the internet into testosterone surges in young boys. It is something that Psychologist Steve Biddulph suggests, in his book "Raising Boys", happens to boy children around the age of 3 - 4. My search for medical verification of this drew a blank. All references to testosterone surges in male toddlers that I found on the internet led back to referencing "Raising Boys". Psychologist Steve Biddulph's source in his book is an article in Esquire magazine. So I am unclear as to whether testosterone surges are a genuine thing, but for me it doesn't really matter, the suggestion that there was an external reason helped me refocus my approach.
*****
My recommended reads from last week include
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