Taming the Goblin: swimming

Its time for the Sunday Parenting Party. Please link up your parenting related posts, these are anecdotes, experiences, tips and tricks or cries for help, anything specifically related to being a parent and raising kids. Please don't link up kids activity and craft posts. These can be linked to Kids Co-op.

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I give you permission to be proud.

(Goblin is 39 months)

I am really proud of Goblin's swimming. He has essentially taught himself to swim. There are going to be kids his age that are more advanced in swimming and there are going to be others who are far behind. But that doesn't stop me being proud of my son's achievements.

This got me thinking that while we are all told we are supposed to take pride in our children's achievements we don't often get a chance to share them in a guilt free way.

You can talk to a friend or colleague who doesn't have kids. But they often don't have a clue what kids are supposed to be able to achieve at a given age, so they don't realise that writing aged three or walking aged 8 months is a big deal. Even if they do listen and sound interested you probably find yourself feeling a bit guilty that you are going on about your child and not talking about something that they might actually want to talk about.

So you really want to share your child's big (and little) achievements with other parents who will get the reason you are so pleased. But response from other parents often isn't entirely positive. Sometimes it come in one of two forms:

The 'Put down'

"Oh yes my child achieved that at X age" [several months before your child]

This leaves you deflated and feeling stupid that you were so proud of something that apparently isn't such a big whoop after all

The 'Guilt trip'

"Oh my child is still struggling with that, it will be ages before he achieves it"

This leaves you feeling like you've been boasting. Often in a desperate attempt to backtrack you will end up dumbing down your kids amazingness .

Are you guilty of responding to friends in this way?

I know I am. Too often the achievements of other children make me question my own parenting. So rather than helping them to celebrate their child's achievements I respond from a more self centred stance.

I'm not saying you should never respond in these ways. Sometimes you need to have a conversation with another mum or dad about your anxieties and their child's achievements will act as the catalyst for that conversation. But maybe occasionally we should just let another parent savour their child's achievement for what it is.

So starting today I'm going to make an effort to enjoy my friend's kids achievements simply for what they are rather than as a paranoid comparison to my own child. I'm going to respond to friends with phrases like

"Thats awesome, what a clever kid" "You must be so proud of him/her"

"That's Pretty cool" "Oh how wonderful"

And then sit back and enjoy the smile I know will spread on a fellow parents face as they see its OK to be proud of their child.

And to help me start off my celebration of parental pride I'd love for you to leave a comment telling me why you are proud of your kids. Lets all enjoy children's achievements without worrying that our own child doesn't match up.

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