Boys have long hair too

This post was written as a contribution to the Boys Have Long Hair, Too Blog Carnival.  The participating bloggers are sharing their experiences, struggles, and opinions surrounding having a son who has long hair.

(Goblin is 30 months)

Goblin has beautiful hair. It is straight and shiny and easy to maintain and currently hangs to the middle of his back. There are pros and cons to having a two and a half year old boy with long hair. Most of the cons come in the form of maintaining it. Goblin, as you'll know if you read this blog regularly, is a very active little chap and as a result he is often knee deep in mud, paint, sand or food. His hair can get quite full of 'ick' and nasty. I tend to wash it every other day. He doesn't seem to mind having his hair washed (most days), but brushing his hair has started to be a daily 'trauma'. Although it is silky and thick it gets occasional knots in it. Not bad ones, he doesn't have the daily dreadlocks that some kids are plagued with, but it does need a daily brush. His bellows over brushing - which start up before the brush has actually touched his hair - did make me seriously consider whether we were doing the right thing by keeping his hair long.

"Am I a mean mum? Should I cut it short like 'normal' boys so he doesn't have this experience?" 

But then I realised that if I was a mum of a girl with long hair, I would be unlikely to jump immediately to the conclusion that I was being mean leaving her hair long and that I should cut it all off because of a few moans about brushing. I realised that the guilt I was feeling was due in a large part to the social norm that says boys should have short hair.
Rather than cut it all off we invested in a tangle teezer. Two in fact - a neon pink one and a sparkly purple one - the only colours the shop stocked. Now when I brush his hair, Goblin gets one brush and I get the other. This calms him a lot. And the teasers are very effective, we still have wails but when I ask "is this actually hurting" he says no. So I don't feel so guilty any more.

Goblin's hair growth from birth to now

What are the up sides to having a boy with long hair? Well there is the obvious aesthetic one. I think he looks completely adorable. But I'm his mum so I'm biased.
The other one is that people mistake him for a girl. I think some of my friends think that I wanted a girl so I am compensating by letting Goblin's hair grow. That's not it though. I just like that in this world where there is a lot of gender separating (pink for girls and blue for boys), Goblin sometimes sneaks through the cracks. I'm hoping that by not always being treated as the male of the species, it will help balance the times when he is overtly treated differently because of his gender. I guess some of you are probably saying "what on earth is she talking about?"......

I can't blame people for thinking he is a girl!

I read about studies where they dressed babies in boys clothes, and the same babies in girls clothes and watched how adults interacted with the babies. Regardless of the actual gender of the baby, the 'girls' were treated more gently and called things like pretty and sweet, while the 'boys' were hurled around more and called Champ and Little Bruiser.
And I see this happening in the park and at soft play. I don't have any objection to those names or the hurling around, but Goblin gets enough of that at home. What I like is when people see him playing and assume he's a girl they seem to be more protective. They tell their kids to "let the little girl have a turn". I even had a mum telling her much smaller male toddler that he needed to watch out and play nicely near the little girl. I don't think that Goblin needs this protection, but its nice that from time to time he receives the gentleness that we should be giving to both genders equally.
Having Goblin always mistaken for a girl has certainly made me think twice before assuming a child's gender. And maybe check my behaviour towards both genders as well.

long, long hair

So is that why we grew Goblin's hair long - To try and make him gender neutral? Er! NO! The truth is we didn't consciously plan to have a boy with long hair, it just happened. Hublet and I both hate hairdressers (not the people, just the activity of going and having your hair cut). I cut our hair (badly - although I've got better since Goblin was born and I stopped doing it while drunk). So we instinctively shied away from the idea of rushing down to the local salon to get baby's first hair cut. And now not going to the hairdresser has become a habit. People have said to us "What will you do when Goblin wants his hair cut". I think they assume it will be a big deal. But Hublet and I both agreed that the answer is simple - If and when Goblin wants his hair cut, he can get his hair cut. 

After all, it's his hair.

We'd love it if you stopped by to read submissions by the other amazing carnival bloggers

My Happy Hippie Boy -- Andie from Crayon Freckles shares why she and her husband have chosen to let their 3.5 yr old son’s hair go uncut. 

Boys Have Long Hair, Too: A Father’s View -- Alex from Glittering Muffins says it happens that not only does his son, Nico have long hair, he as the father has no problem with it either. He personally does not find that long hair emasculates a boy (or adult alike)...

Boys Have Long Hair, Too: A Maman’s View -- Valerie from Glittering Muffins son has been called a cute little girl for about a year and a half (he’s 2.5 yo). So she corrects people and tells them he’s a boy and loves his long hair (Once in a while she even throws in a “he also loves to watch Strawberry Shortcake”). 

Sampson -- Kellie from Our Mindful Life reflects on how long hair gives her son power.

Trials and Tribulations of a Boy with Tresses -- Carolyn from Mama's Little Muse talks about her experience in raising a boy with hair too beautiful to cut short. It is about how people have reacted; how she has created keepsakes featuring his hair; and also how they have arrived at a game that they play so that the hair brushing experience goes more smoothly.

His Hair, His Decision -- Lyndsay from Our Feminist {Play}School asks the question “why shouldn't a boy have long hair?”. Her 'answers' are historical, personal and family-specific.

Boys Have Long Hair, Too -- Sarah from This is Me…Sarah Mum of 3 is mum to 3 children a boy aged 10, girl aged 8 and a boy aged 5, Always loving the longer hair styles for boys her two boys have had many different hair styles over the years but always seem to resort back to the longer locks even against the negative comments they sometimes recieve.

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Kids Co-op Link Up (#8 for me)

 

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Its that time of the week again when you link up your awesome activities and check out everyone elses', please leave comments if you visit a blog and love what they've done - every one loves comments. Goblin had so much fun last week with our moon playscape that I decided to try another. So here is what I will be linking up this week.

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Beach playscape

(Goblin is 30 months)

My beach playscape builds on the Venn Diagram work that I did with Goblin a few weeks ago, and was inspired by this awesome small world ocean in a sink from Play Create Explore.

I liked how last week Goblin was able to come straight down in the morning and find something new to play with, so I set this up last night and left it by the window in the livingroom for him to discover.

This is the photo of the 'ocean' last night. I used water beads in the water, as well as some blue food colouring. The waterbeads are still small in the photo, but this morning they were fully grown and squidgy.

I made palm trees out of craft foam and toilet rolls mainly for decoration but I thought Goblin might like pouring the rice down the tubes. I also put out some green sponges. I was going to cut them into bush shapes but they looked a bit like waves already so I just left them as they were. I thought Goblin might like using them to transfer the water.

I left out lots of different scooping implements for Goblin, including a salad spoon, a whisk, a teabag strainer, tongs, and a big draining spoon.

When Goblin came down in the morning he spotted it straight away and set to work putting all the plastic animals into the water and then retrieving them with various implements, before starting to shovel the coloured rice 'sand' into some bottles I'd put out.  (Check out the photos below - Goblin obviously hasn't chosen a dominant hand yet - I only noticed as I was looking at the pictures that he is using both hands interchangeably).

One of the things I like best about these playscapes is watching the different ways he plays with them. His moon playscape got all sorts of different sessions during the 4 days it was out. I'm hoping this one will get as much play - but the combination of water and rice might not last that long.

And now its your turn - what have you been up to?

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Fun Family Time on a boat!

(Goblin is 30 months)

This weekend included a bank holiday Monday. Which was just as well because Goblin was ill all of Sunday and lay on the sofa feeling very sorry for himself while watching Dora and his new favourite Go Diego, Go (Thanks You Miss Courtney for that little gem). 

He was still feeling a bit under the weather on Monday, but his temperature was down so we decided to brave a boat trip. Nanny had discovered the trips on the River Stour, and on bank holiday Monday kids go for free if they bring a teddy.  We decided not to take Goblin's favourite Lamby in case it fell over board.

The little electric boats came every half hour and did a little journey up the river to the wier and back again. The round trip took about half an hour and the captain of the boat gave a little talk on what we were looking at as we went along. Half an hour is just about right for a toddler.

Goblin was not amused at having to wear a life jacket. Even when I said it was just like the one that Dora and Diego wear he was not appeased. He was also disgruntled that the adults didn't have to wear one. I had to explain that the river wasn't that deep and if we fell in we could just stand up. This seemed to be a satisfactory answer - although it may just have been that he was distracted by something new.

When we got on board the boat rocked hard. Goblin was rather nervous, and so were a couple of older people at the front of the boat. In fact by comparison Goblin totally remained calm.

Once it got going Goblin settled down and started looking around. 

We saw other boats 

We saw life belts in big red boxes along the tow path

We saw pillboxes from the second world war

And we saw a swan in a nest

Goblin liked the boat trip, but the best part of the day was getting ice cream afterwards. Especially because the nice ice cream man gave him chocolate sauce and sprinkles on his one.

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Accidental creativity

(Goblin is 30 months)

I rarely plan an art activity with Goblin, but we do a lot of art. Most of the art that happens in our house is accidental. 

I think art is an important activity.

For babies and toddlers art is a form of sensory play, its is primarily about the process: experiencing the gloopy paint between your fingers and toes, seeing the result of moving a pen across paper, feeling the feathers and pompoms as you stick them to the card. 

Occasionally your child will create something that isn't a torn soggy mess of paint and glue. When this happens with Goblin I always try and display it - because creating is a form of expression and I want Goblin to see from an early age that I value his expressions and am proud of his creations. 

And art is about independence. The more freedom a child has to create independently, the more confidence they'll have to do it, and that will spill over into other activities.    

How do you make art child led?
1. Make sure art supplies are within reach.
2. Teach from the beginning how to use the supplies responsibly to minimise mess and stress.
3. Try to say 'yes' to art activities even when it means mess and stress.

Accessible art supplies may make you feel anxious -"oh goodness, paint up the walls and on the sofa". But you can introduce them in phases.

Goblin has had Crayola washable felt tip pens in a box on his desk ever since he was tiny. These pens wash off walls, sofa material, clothes and skin. So even if your child does go nuts it won't be a permanent disaster. From the minute we introduced them we taught two rules, always put the lids back on, and only draw on paper. Now learning is a process so I am not claiming that Goblin has never left the tops off or drawn on stuff thats not paper - in fact he loves drawing on himself. But we have set the boundaries and normally he respects them. 

For the last six months Goblin has also had full access to a huge box of wax crayons. You may wonder why the pens came before the crayons, the answer is simple - crayon is way more difficult to get off floors, walls and furniture. So we needed to ensure he understood the 'draw on paper' rule first.

And at Christmas he was given some Melissa and Doug Stamps (with washable ink). These live on the shelves where he can reach them when ever he wants.

As well as the pens, crayons and stamps we have lots of Ready Mix Paint . When Goblin was younger we kept them on a shelf out of reach but recently we have moved them to a basket where he can get to them when ever he wants.
Getting from 'inaccessible paint' to 'accessible paint' was a staged process. First we taught Goblin that all painting must be done on a mat. The mat has always been accessible and we have encouraged him to put the mat out himself. So now he knows to put the mat down before painting.
Second, while the paints where still out of reach we showed him how to put the tops back on and how to clean any spills.
Finally, I know that if Goblin asks to paint it is going to get messy. Goblin likes to paint with his whole body - Feet, hands, face! We've had to teach him not to move off the mat when he's covered in paint. Instead we taught him to "shout for help". Sometimes help is just a simple wiping the hands, but more often than not its an entire hose down in the shower. 

Saying Yes to mess and stress

Getting messy is fun for most toddlers. I tend to let Goblin do art whenever the mood takes him. He has a really annoying tendency to want to do art when he has just got clean. The photo at the top of this post was taken ten minutes after his bath. But why say no? What am I trying to keep him clean for? "A toddlers work is play" and sometimes that involves getting messy.
We don't have any clothes that I won't let Goblin paint or draw in. All the mediums we use wash out so if he gets paint - sorry that should be When he gets paint on himself, I can just pop the clothes in the wash. His bursts of painting are often short lived, so even if we are going out in half an hour, I'll usually still consent to an art flurry on the basis that he'll usually be done and cleaned before we go out. 

If Goblin goes out covered in paint, I just hope people will see what I see - a child who has had a fun day's play

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