Owning your boundaries.

(Goblin is 31 months)

I'm guessing most parents of toddlers are in the same boat as me - its that interesting age when you rejoice in your child's development of personality and individuality but at the same time dispair that it takes three times as long to get them dressed because suddenly they have an opinion about what colour socks they want to wear. 


Its a time when you have to start deciding what battles you are going to have and where you are going to lay the boundaries so you can co-exist in harmony. Thinking on this issue recently has made me focus on how others parent. And I have spotted a frequently used technique that I don't like, but I realise I can slip into inadvertently. I call it "pass the buck" parenting - when you set a boundary using an external factor as the reason. 


I found myself in the swimming pool the other day saying "Goblin don't run or the life guard will tell you off". Now while this is probably true what I should be saying is "Goblin, Walk, don't run, the floor is wet and you might slip". Two seconds later a toddler smacked down right infront of us as if to helpfully illustrate the point.


Hear are three more examples of "pass the buck" parenting I overheard recently:

• "Johnny, don't throw gravel or the park ranger will tell you off"
• "Johnny the farmer won't let you ride the tractor without your sun hat on"
• "Johnny if you don't eat your dinner I will tell your father and he will tell you off when he gets home"

I understand the temptation to use this technique (and have done so myself). There is a certain logic that says, if my child won't listen to me and my boundaries I'll tell them its someone else's rule. And also, I don't want to always be seen as the bad guy laying down rules, so I will blame it on someone else. 

But here is why I don't like it. 

• In some cases its blatantly lying to your child - like telling them they can't go on a tractor ride without a hat on. 
• It makes it sound like you'd be OK with the action if the rule wasn't there. 
• You fail to give your child the real and sometimes important information about why they need to do or not do something. For example - Don't throw gravel because its dangerous and someone might get hurt.
• And you make someone else out as a baddie. When that person is the child's other parent its simply unfair to the other parent. And when its a stranger, you are suggesting to your child that you will be OK with a complete stranger telling your child off.

So when setting boundaries with Goblin I am trying hard to own them. My logic is that I am less likely to set arbitrary boundaries if I have to give a valid reason for having them. And hopefully if I own my rules and clearly explain their rationale, Goblin is more likely to stick to them. 

I should point out that I still think that a valid reason includes "Because that makes me feel uncomfortable, scared or angry". It is easy to forget that your feelings count too, but if you are unhappy with an activity or action your child is doing it is harder to have an open and happy relationship with them. So setting a boundary based on how an action will make you feel is in my opinion completely valid. 

How do you set your boundaries, and do you own them?

Nature Nursery

(Goblin is 31 Months) 

What a difference a fortnight makes. Two weeks ago at Nature Nursery we had beautiful weather. In fact it was so hot that after feeding the baby lambs we all retreated to the woods for some shade and a game of hide and seek. 

This week was a different story, it tipped it down! We had a Steiner (waldorf) teacher visiting and the plan had been to make stick streamers - or "whooshy sticks" and let the kids run around with them. 

And I am pleased to say that despite the rain that is exactly what we did. (Learning for life would be so proud of us). I should probably point out that Goblin had been sensibly clad in a hat and raincoat at the start of our activity but he ran out into the rain after a cake break and got so instantly wet that it seemed pointless to redress him.

I wondered at one point whether the parents were having ore fun than the kids - it was certainly an activity that appealed to all ages. 

Elfin decorated the dung heap with her wands.

And took on some of her big sister duties with her tiny little brother. Don't worry she did wash her hands first!

And long after everyone else had gone home Bjorn and Goblin were still playing "fishing" in the biggest puddle - which grew in the three hours we were there.

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Audley End

(Goblin is 31 months)

We took advantage of the extra long bank holiday weekend and visited an historical reenactment at  Audley End stately home.

I wasn't entirely convinced that Goblin would learn anything historical but the house has huge grounds and I thought it would be fun for Goblin to burn off some energy in a beautiful setting.

 

We did a tour of the house and Goblin was actually reasonably interested in the paintings and all the stuffed animals. It looked like a taxidermy convention had passed through town. There were hundreds of stuffed animals in cabinets throughout the house. Goblin could name quite a few, including toucans, flamingos, otters, and badgers. It always surprises me how many animals he recognises - I guess you remember what you are interested in, and he does love animals.

  Goblin also took in more than I had anticipated from the 17th Century historical reenactment.

Here are some cavaliers practicing Musket drill and here is Goblin practicing musket drill. We can no longer blame the older kids at Goblin's nursery for his favourite hobby of running around the garden with sticks shouting "bang bang". 

And after seeing the soldiers practicing pike drill Goblin decided to attack a bush with his pike.

We saw a Royalist lady on a horse who did a fascinating talk about the development of the side saddle. And here is Goblin on a horse looking quite girly (but not riding side saddle).

Goblin really likes horses and we spent a long time at the stables with Goblin on Hublet's shoulders looking into the stables saying "Thats MY horse". 

So when King Charles rode off with "Goblin's horse" he went and found himself a new one. 

Of course as well as history there was ample time for larking;

 'fishing'; and 

Cartography!

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Growing Butterflies

(Goblin is 31 months)

Last year a colleague of mine told me how they had "grown butterflies" at home. I was intrigued. I remembered this year after seeing a couple of posts on people's blogs (including Plain Vanilla Mom who has a 2012 Butterflies link up) so I got on the intewebs and ordered some caterpillars - yes that is right you can get caterpillars sent to you in the post - if you are in the UK look at www.insectlore-europe.com. Its not too late to order some for this year, you can order until September.

The caterpillars arrive in a sealed tub (with tiny air holes) and food in the bottom. On day one they were smaller than a grain of rice. But they grew so fast. Within a week they were enormous.

Goblin was fascinated and asked to see the caterpillars at least twice a day. When we first got them he kept asking if he could shake the tub - so we put the tub up high on a shelf just incase our constant "NO YOU CAN'T SHAKE THE TUB" didn't work.

After a week (yes that fast) they formed chrysalis and hung themselves from the top of the lid. At this point you open the tub and peel the paper inlay off of the lid, and pin it to the side of the pop up net habitat they provide.
The chrysalis were fascinating. They seemed to have gold on them. They stayed in this state for 12 days. To be honest I kinda forgot they were there so its just as well Hublet had started to take an interest.

.

While I was at work last week I got a call from Hublet telling me the butterflies had started to hatch. Goblin became interested again, although he was slightly freaked out by the flapping.

It took three days for four of the butterflies to hatch. The final chrysalis never hatched. On day three we released the butterflies into the garden. I was really surprised that the butterflies allowed us to hold them before they took off.

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