Showing posts with label 47 months. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 47 months. Show all posts

Saturday, 5 October 2013

The Sunday Parenting Party - One Year Older

Taming the Goblin

Its time for the Sunday Parenting Party. Please link up any parenting posts you have. We try to keep this linky exclusively for parenting issues (anecdotes, advice, please for help, humour) so please don't link kids activities unless they are specific to a parenting issue - e.g. how to calm your child or how to deal with messy play fears. Thanks. This week I'm linking the following:

*****
(Goblin is nearly 4)

I haven't really had time to do a proper post this week. We have been getting ready for Goblin's party. He is turning 4. It sounds very grown up to me. Every year just before his birthday I start worrying that he is going to be 'that next age'. Its not because I don't want him to grow up. Its because I like being able to use his age as an excuse when he behaves inappropriately. 

"Sorry, he's only 2" seems like a reasonable explanation for things - pretty much anything in fact. 
"Sorry, he's only 3" actually cut the mustard more times than I initially thought it would, but
"Sorry, he's only 4"- I'm not so sure. Lots of kids start school at 4. I'm not sure that when he shoulder barges a stranger or licks something in a shop or does any of the other bizarre or inappropriate things he sometimes does, that "Sorry he's only 4" will be a reasonable explanation. 

But then I may not have to use that excuse so much. One thing I forget when I get to this time of year, is how much my little one changes in a year. This year he has grown so much. Not just physically, but emotionally, intellectually, creatively. 

I think one of the reasons that we have had so many more run ins recently, is that he is becoming his own person. Its not that I don't like who he is becoming, I'm just not keeping pace with it. Sometimes I forget that he's not as malleable as he used to be. it was easy when I could just bundle him into the buggy and go and do my own thing, not having to think about his ability to walk that far, or his need to be entertained if we have to wait, or his personal preference to stay at home.

But there are so many really delightful parts to him getting older. We can have conversations. This was not possible a year ago. When he says, "I love you" he genuinely means it, he's not just saying it because he's repeating our words, he says it on random occasions out of the blue. He is funny, he is interesting, he is observant and curious and sociable. 

I don't look tearfully back at his baby days. Parenting has got more challenging, but that's because I'm now sharing my house and my life with a proper little person. And that is kinda cool. 

******
Taming the Goblin
Some links from last week that I recommend reading include
Use your words wisely ~ Picklebums
Learning to accept your children ~ Rediscovered Families
The Pumpkin Fairy ~ Mamaschmama
(By the way I tend not to include my fellow hosts posts, because I'm hoping you visit them anyway)
Welcome to The Sunday Parenting Party, hosted by Dirt and Boogers, Play Activities, Crayon Freckles, Taming the Goblin, The Golden Gleam, Prickly Mom, and The Tao of Poop. The SPP is place for readers to find ideas on nurturing, educating, and caring for children, as well as honest posts about the stresses of being a parent or caregiver. Links to reviews and giveaways are welcome as long as they are relevant to the topic. All parenting philosophies are welcome with one exception: please do not link to posts promoting physical discipline, as this is something we would feel uncomfortable having on our blogs. (P.S. By linking up you agree that your post and photos are Pinterest, Sulia, G+ and FB friendly. We will be showcasing ideas on The Sunday Parenting Party Pinterest board.)

Wednesday, 2 October 2013

Simple activities to replace screen time

(Goblin is nearly 4)

If you have read some of my earlier posts you will know that we are trying to cut back on screen time and reconnect with Goblin through play in an attempt to rid our lives of tantrums. There are periods in the day where we'd normally fall back on TV, and these are the times that for both him and me it helps to have something planned, an idea for an activity to replace TV. Because these are normally the times when Goblin is most tired the activities need to be simple. Here are a few of our more successful ones. 

Sensory play
This little invitation combined shells from our recent beach holiday with dried seed heads from the garden: poppies; honest; something that looks like cornflowers when its in flower. I also put out some military vehicles because for Goblin no play is complete without them. And finally I made some nice smelly playdough: orange (because I didn't have lemon scent to match the yellow) and rosemary. I used the ever reliable Nurturestore recipe
Goblin had great fun emptying the poppy seeds into the playdough and mashing it all up so the yellow dough became poppy seed dough. Its not what I had intended from my set up, but its one of the things I love about leaving something for your child to explore. They will take their own direction and sometimes it will surprise you. 
And talking of surprises I didn't expect Goblin to play with the coffee grounds the way he did. I'd taken the idea from TheBoyandMe's blog.  I loved the way her son had put the coffee grounds on the mirror and made patterns with them using a Q-tip. But my little Goblin had other ideas and he got all his construction and farm vehicles and played at moving "mud". He meticulously filled his truck using a tiny digger. I loved how much fine motor practice he was getting unintentionally.
And when he'd done with playing in the baking tray he asked to empty it into the mat and added some cloud dough. Then he called it snow and asked me to help him make a snow plough. Somewhere behind the cardboard is a miniature A-team van covered in tape.
I got this play dough idea from a lovely blog called Play Trains. I couldn't resist the idea of it smelling so great with the cinnamon stick logs and the clove ties in the chocolate playdough. So I invested in 4 jars of cinnamon sticks - Not the cheapest activity ever. I also made a bit of a mistake using drinking chocolate rather than cocoa in the playdough. The sugar made the dough quite sticky. In addition I tried to replace some of the flour with the drinking chocolate - let me tell you now, this doesn't work. However, when my playdough disaster had been averted this was a seriously popular activity with Goblin. He played with it on and off for two days. He even got all the component parts out on his own during some independent play time.

Art 
 We collected some lovely big stones from the beach on our holiday, and one of our activities was simply painting them.
I painted half a picture, an autumn tree. I invited Goblin to paint the other half. He did a great job painting what he called "the wind". But I think I made it too complicated and he got nervous about trying to replicate the rest of the tree. Next time I will make a simpler picture.
 This was a fun activity. I left out some solar system stickers. Goblin started by sticking them on the black paper I'd provided, but Hublet was a much more attractive canvas.

Numeracy and Literacy
I've been trying to provide Goblin with some simple number recognition games. This one was initiated by him playing "shop" with Hublet, using his toy till. I simply added some prices to the items on sale and showed Goblin how to use the calculator - not so much to add up, but more to match the numbers to the numbers on the key pad. We aren't at addition yet.
This was a letter matching game that I laid out with his afternoon snack. He named the objects and then decided if they were T or D words. He was surprisingly good at it. I've done a few other number and letter activities that I will share in later posts.


I'm sharing this at
For the Kids Fridays at SunScholars.comThe Weekly Kids Co-OpWhat to do with the children




Saturday, 28 September 2013

The Sunday Parenting Party - Late to the screen free party

Taming the Goblin

Its time for the Sunday Parenting Party. Please link up any parenting posts you have. We try to keep this linky exclusively for parenting issues (anecdotes, advice, pleas for help, humour) so please don't link kids activities unless they are specific to a parenting issue - e.g. how to calm your child or how to deal with messy play fears. Thanks. This week I'm linking the following: 
*****
(Goblin is nearly 4)

I have come a bit late to the table with this whole screen free thing. I like TV and I think kids can learn a lot from selective viewing of certain programmes (not whatever that bloody cartoon is that makes all 3 year old boys run around trying to "Hulk Smash" each other). But TV has crept into Goblin's day to the point where it is taking over, and displacing important other types of play and interaction. 

So as part of our change in routine to try and address Goblin's new phase of super aggressive histrionics, we have agreed to cut TV time right back. The first week of less TV went fine, Goblin didn't really ask for the TV. We replaced it with imaginary play and we started playing games at the dinner table. I broke out lots of sensory play stuff that we hadn't really used in a while and Goblin really settled back into playing all day rather than zoning out in front of the TV between outings. 

I noticed that the time spent in the mornings talking to each other as we played a game and ate breakfast really set us up well for the rest of the day. I'm not saying it was a miracle cure to the dramas, but in comparison to Goblin watching TV while I sit next to him on the sofa reading Facebook on my phone, this was certainly helping to connect us first thing in the morning. And that connection stayed through the day as we played together. 

But then he got ill. And thats when he just wanted to veg out, so the requests for TV time increased. We aren't stripping TV from his life completely so we tried to oblige, but the trouble is that every time we went to turn the TV off again we were met with a tantrum. Every time, without fail, even if I said "you will have no more TV today if you throw a tantrum" I'd still get the tantrum. It becomes easier not to have the TV on at all. 

But all these 'screen free' advocates don't warn you how much hard work it is entertaining a child with no TV at all. Especially because Goblin is at the point where he doesn't nap every day. So I have 13 hours to entertain him. Aaaagh!

Don't get me wrong, I'm not actually having to play with him every second. He is actually quite good at playing by himself for periods. Its just that normally we have a play date or go out somewhere on my day with Goblin. But since he has started nursery three full days a week he doesn't want to go out on his day with me, he wants to spend it at home playing ... with me. Its really very sweet. 

But by about 4pm today I was so desperate to turn the TV on (for my sake, not his). I didn't. Instead we did some "yoga" - Goblin style, and did some glueing and sticking, and played Candy land, and cooked dinner together, and did some painting, and built with Lego, and then went up to bed and read some books. Yeah, we did all those things between 4 and 7pm. Holy cow how am I going to keep this up!!!!
*******
Some great reads from last weeks link up were
Mommy meltdowns ~ Fireflies and mudpies 
In the land of odd ~ Don't chew on the dinner table
Dear babysitter, special needs does not mean all sweetness and light ~ My skewed view
*****

Welcome to The Sunday Parenting Party, hosted by Dirt and Boogers, Play Activities, Crayon Freckles, Taming the Goblin, The Golden Gleam, Prickly Mom, and The Tao of Poop. The SPP is place for readers to find ideas on nurturing, educating, and caring for children, as well as honest posts about the stresses of being a parent or caregiver. Links to reviews and giveaways are welcome as long as they are relevant to the topic. All parenting philosophies are welcome with one exception: please do not link to posts promoting physical discipline, as this is something we would feel uncomfortable having on our blogs. (P.S. By linking up you agree that your post and photos are Pinterest, Sulia, G+ and FB friendly. We will be showcasing ideas on The Sunday Parenting Party Pinterest board.)

Thursday, 26 September 2013

Leeds Castle

 (Goblin is nearly 4)
Goblin and I went on an adventure to Leeds Castle. Confusingly Leeds Castle is no where near Leeds, its in Kent, near Maidstone. 
The grounds of the castle are massive, it has woodland and big beautiful gardens. A warning to anyone with toddlers, there is a lot of open unfenced water. Its very beautiful and quite shallow but I probably wouldn't have been comfortable bringing Goblin here 18 months ago when he was all about the running and not very good at the stopping.
A quick confession in case you are hoping for lots of information about the actual castle, we never went in. There was too much else to see and do. We spent a lot of time in the maze. Goblin had never been in a maze before. He hurtled around it and I ran after him. He got very confused when at one point he went down a different path to me and I screamed at him to stop. I had to explain that I wasn't cross, I was just worried I'd lose him. He hadn't realised that I didn't automatically know the way out.
The maze was brilliant. It took us about 30 minutes to find the middle. Once in the middle you can take a short cut out of the maze through an underground grotto. The walls of the grotto are decorated in shells and its really quite something to see. But Goblin didn't see any of it. He clung to me and buried his head in my neck and refused to look up until we were out the other side. What had scared him was the recording of the sea that was being piped through the grotto. Goblin and unexpected noises do not mix well.
Another great find was the playground. There were two fenced playgrounds, one for younger children and the other for older. The latter was supposed to be for 5 year olds and up but Goblin managed fine on the equipment and loved the castle themed tunnels and ramparts. We spent a lot of time running around a play maze that had been mapped out in paths on the grass around a wooden castle play house.

And of course there were the birds of prey. Goblin was very excited by the owls and harris hawks. We spent quite a while watching them, although we missed the actual display because by 2.30pm we were exhausted. Goblin got to ride the land train back to the car park, and the train driver showed him the engine and let him ring the bell. So all in all it was a pretty great day.

Country Kids from Coombe Mill Family Farm Holidays Cornwall

Saturday, 21 September 2013

The Sunday Parenting Party - Preschool Aggression

Taming the Goblin

Its time for the Sunday Parenting Party. Please link up any parenting posts you have. We try to keep this linky exclusively for parenting issues (anecdotes, advice, pleas for help) so please don't link kids activities unless they are specific to a parenting issue - eg how to calm your child or how to deal with messy play fears. Thanks. This week I'm linking the following: 
*****
Goblin is nearly 4

Goblin has been getting really aggressive. For a while now the tantrums have been amping up. Lots of yelling and flailing - Over really petty things (in my opinion - obviously they aren't petty to him).
But recently the attitude has shifted from sadness to anger. He gets furious .... really ragey. 
He snarls and growls and throws things at us and hits and kicks and if we try to pick him up and move him we get head butting and scratching too. 
While away with my mother-in-law Goblin also added spitting to his repetoir - yeah because I really need you to show me up in front of my MIL Goblin, thanks for that one. Spitting for goodness sake! Its like my worst nightmare come true - I have a spitter.
We spent a week in Wales and Goblin was on his worst behaviour ever. Hublet was despairing and I had run out of ideas. The aggression felt so constant. Of course it wasn't. There were moments of harmony, but they were so few and far between that by the end of the week both of us were holding our breath when we asked him to do anything because we knew that there was a high probability of it triggering a defiant onslaught of rage.

What the hell happened? ...... Where did this anger come from? ...... And why is it all coming out in one go? ...... What are we doing wrong?

I started to read parenting forums for some answers and rapidly stopped when any parent describing this behaviour was met with "helpful" comments about getting their child a psych evaluation. Now I realise that Goblin's behaviour has been extreme but I am pretty sure he doesn't fall into the category of needing psychiatric help - he is three years old, I am guessing he needs to learn how to deal better with his emotions, not be pumped with medication or attend counselling. So I backed away rapidly from those pages and instead asked on my Taming the Goblin FB page whether this behaviour was normal. I also asked my wonderful group of Kids Blogger Network friends.
I was surprised to discover that this behaviour, while extreme, is considered totally normal in both girls and boys of this age. And this comes both from parents, and from teachers and childcare professionals who have seen many kids go through it.  

Really?  This level of aggression and anger is normal? Where are all the books about this then? There are books about the terrible twos and books about toddler taming but you don't see many about quelling the wrath of the preschooler. 

I don't like writing about things until I feel they have turned a corner, but I'm breaking that rule on this one because .... well, who knows how long this will last! Plus I'd love any advice you have on what to do with preschool rage.

In case you are wondering, some of the advice that KBN offered, which I will be putting into practice included:
- lots of exercise
- lots of opportunities for sensory play, to get out aggression
- lots of sleep (probably for parents as well as preschoolers)
- a robust routine (something we are focussing on)
- a healthy diet (we are trying to improve breakfast for a start)
I'll let you know how we get on. 
Welcome to The Sunday Parenting Party, hosted by Dirt and Boogers, Play Activities, Crayon Freckles, Taming the Goblin, The Golden Gleam, Prickly Mom, and The Tao of Poop. The SPP is place for readers to find ideas on nurturing, educating, and caring for children, as well as honest posts about the stresses of being a parent or caregiver. Links to reviews and giveaways are welcome as long as they are relevant to the topic. All parenting philosophies are welcome with one exception: please do not link to posts promoting physical discipline, as this is something we would feel uncomfortable having on our blogs. (P.S. By linking up you agree that your post and photos are Pinterest, Sulia, G+ and FB friendly. We will be showcasing ideas on The Sunday Parenting Party Pinterest board.)


Saturday, 14 September 2013

The Sunday Parenting Party - Eating at table

Taming the Goblin

Welcome again to the Sunday Parenting Party, please link up your parenting posts (not kids activity posts, there are lots of activity linkies but we'd like this one to focus on parenting issues, advice and experience). This week I'm linking the following:
*****

Some families sit around a table for every meal with no exceptions. I never really understood why. I always thought that the blog posts you see about how meal times are a time to connect, were aimed at families with older children. I understood why you might want to focus on meal times when you have teenagers that you only see for an hour while you eat, and then they're gone to do homework or play computer games or hang with friends. But my child isn't even four years old. He's with me all day, why do I need to make a big deal about sitting at a table to eat with him. 

So we aren't one of those families. One of us is always at work when Goblin eats his meals, and neither of us have been particularly bothered about sitting around a table to eat. So instead Goblin would eat his meals in front of the TV or he'd graze while playing. 
 - I know some reading this will be horrified by the idea of that, but until recently its worked for us - Goblin has a good appetite. We are lucky that we have never had those arguments about him needing to finish a meal or eat another bite. So meal times have always gone without drama. And I have always felt that forcing him to sit at a table would be an unnecessary point of confrontation. 

Then we went to a family wedding and suddenly realised why other families make their kids sit at a table to eat their meals.

Goblin couldn't sit still. Not for two seconds, and the wedding meal was about 2 hours long.  I'm not saying that all the other children were able to sit quietly and nicely for 2 hours but they certainly lasted a lot longer than our little feral boy. He decided to eat two mouthfuls before running circuits around the room while the speeches were being made. As we cringed and froze in indecisiveness about whether trying to catch him would be more distracting than letting him carry on, we realised that Goblin had had very little practice at sitting still. Sitting at a table to eat was alien to him. 

When we got home we decided to let him practice. We rearranged the furniture and brought out the dining room table that had been covered in clutter in the corner of the room. And we explained to Goblin that we were going to eat all our meals at the table. To our amazement there has been very little resistance to this. 

Goblin sits and eats with which ever of us is home. We have some games and puzzles to entertain him (one step at a time right).  But we have no TV and no getting down and running around. 

Firstly I have realised that this is a time to connect (like all the posts always said). Its an undistracted opportunity to sit facing each other and talk. 
Secondly, and I'm ashamed to admit this, its given me an opportunity to teach Goblin how to use his knife properly. I've shown him in the past. But with me actually eating as well he's been able to mirror my actions and its made a big difference to his approach.
Finally, I have noticed that it punctuates the day. The three meals give a routine to the day that helps implicitly signal other things that are coming up, like nap time. We have had less argument about naps since its been preceded by a meal and a natural cessation to any games or TV. 

Its taken me a while to get there, but now I understand why so many families make a big deal of meal times. It is more than just eating at a table. 
*****
Welcome to The Sunday Parenting Party, hosted by Dirt and Boogers, Play Activities, Crayon Freckles, Taming the Goblin, The Golden Gleam, Prickly Mom, and The Tao of Poop. The SPP is place for readers to find ideas on nurturing, educating, and caring for children, as well as honest posts about the stresses of being a parent or caregiver. Links to reviews and giveaways are welcome as long as they are relevant to the topic. All parenting philosophies are welcome with one exception: please do not link to posts promoting physical discipline, as this is something we would feel uncomfortable having on our blogs. (P.S. By linking up you agree that your post and photos are Pinterest, Sulia, G+ and FB friendly. We will be showcasing ideas on The Sunday Parenting Party Pinterest board.)

Sunday, 8 September 2013

The Sunday Parenting Party: I'm a Yell-a-holic


Taming the Goblin


I took a break over the summer from hosting the Sunday Parenting Party and I'm sorry if I let you guys down when you came looking for it. I'm back, and I'm sharing an awesome week I had last month. 

*******
(Goblin is nearly 4)

I'm a yell-a-holic and I haven't yelled in 7 days

(Before you get too excited I wrote this post last month and since then I have had to reset my yell-o-meter several times. At the time of pressing publish I am back on less than a day without yelling - but the fact I managed 7 days in a row gives me hope)



Over the last few months I've been feeling my relationship with Goblin becoming more strained. I'd been blaming it on his increasingly forceful behaviour. And it had led to days when I wasn't enjoying being a parent very much. I could see Hublet going down the same route and there were days that felt like every interaction we had with Goblin were ones of frustration. Were both lost the ability to talk kindly to our son when he transgressed. 
When you are stuck in a rut, often you can see you are there but the edges look too steep and you can't work out how to get out. That's where I've been - hence the series of rather negative posts recently.
But then I read something encouraging. I read that the Orange Rhino yelled at her kids.
The Orange Rhino is a woman who has decided to stop yelling and she has put a whole bunch of strategies in place to help her. I have known about her for around a year but quite frankly she sounded too good to be true. She sounded so successful that her achievements were entirely unobtainable to me. I assumed she just wasn't such a yelly person to begin with and that is how she had managed to do so well. 
But then a miracle. After over a year of the Orange Rhino not yelling at her kids she transgressed and yelled at them. I read about it on my Facebook feed and was amazed. This was the chink in the armour that I needed to see, to help me realise that maybe I too can stop yelling. 
So I've decided to give it a go.

I started by observing what it was that triggered my yelling. Mainly it was:
  • Trying to get Goblin to do things to my time table - like getting dressed
  • Him not listening, or not acknowledging he has heard
  • And me being tired and hungry

Lets deal with them in order of achievability:
The tired and hungry are things I just need to keep an eye on. It's tricky when in trying to diet because I'm often hungry, but if it gets to a tipping point of effecting my mood I choose food over losing my temper - and I'll just have to stick with bigger jeans.
Working to my time table I have dealt with by assessing why I put that time table in place. Often I haven't communicated the need to Goblin. And sometimes there is no need, I just arbitrarily decided I wanted him dressed by x time. So I have tried to step back from that and not expect him to conform to my abstract desires. I have built in extra time to transitions and if we are genuinely in a hurry I offer more help.

The not listening. Hmmm! This is a work in progress. It's not that he isn't listening to instructions. It's not listening full stop. "Goblin do you want to stay in the bath or get out?" No answer. Ask again, no answer. "If you don't give me an answer I will assume you want to get out". No answer so I pull the plug out and he melts down. OK what?

I have tried to employ some positive listening techniques like getting down to his level. Turning off distractions. Standing in his eye line. But sometimes I still get no response. The only thing that helps me not get frustrated by this and want to yell at him, is lowering my expectations.
So I've stopped expecting him to hear, understand and answer. It's easier than you think. You just accept that your child is too young and your expectation is obviously unreasonable or they would be doing it already. I don't know if this is the correct approach, but it stops me getting so frustrated that I blow my stack. So for now I'll use it. 
So wish me luck. 

******
Welcome to The Sunday Parenting Party, hosted by Dirt and Boogers, Play Activities, Crayon Freckles, Taming the Goblin, The Golden Gleam, and Prickly Mom. The SPP is place for readers to find ideas on nurturing, educating, and caring for children, as well as honest posts about the stresses of being a parent or caregiver. Links to reviews and giveaways are welcome as long as they are relevant to the topic. All parenting philosophies are welcome with one exception: please do not link to posts promoting physical discipline, as this is something we would feel uncomfortable having on our blogs. Please don't link up kids activities posts, there are lots of activity linkies to share on but we'd like to keep this one specifically parenting focussed.
(P.S. By linking up you agree that your post and photos are Pinterest, Sulia, G+ and FB friendly. We will be showcasing ideas on The Sunday Parenting Party Pinterest board.)

Thursday, 5 September 2013

The freedom of the beach

(Goblin is nearly 4)

Montessori, Waldorf and Reggio educational techniques all pay a lot of attention to the learning environment. While on holiday in Wales I started to realise what an amazing learning environment the beach can be. 

One of the main reasons that the beach offers such wonderful opportunities for kids is actually the effect it has on parents. Parents on the beach tend to be more relaxed, less rushed and less bothered by mess, noise, and other things that can be annoying when cooped up in the environment of the home. 
This leaves kids free to play and learn, discover, test, experiment. They can dig, and move stuff around without risk of chastisement. They can make land art or tap into their imagination and turn a beach into any setting they want.
They get to do things that need big open spaces.
They can fling themselves about with less risk of injury.

And even the messiest of messy play can be washed off in the sea. 
They have freedom in space and freedom in time - what better learning environment could you have.  
 Country Kids from Coombe Mill Family Farm Holidays Cornwall





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