Saturday 23 March 2013

The Sunday Parenting Party - ignoring the signs

Taming the Goblin

Its time for the Sunday Parenting Party. Please link up your parenting posts and check out some that are already linked up - don't forget everyone loves comments. Please don't link kids activity posts, they can be linked to Kids Coop instead. This week I'm linking the following:
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(Goblin is 41 months)
You know when sometimes all the signs are screaming at you not to do something, and you do it anyway and are then surprised when things don't work out. That was me last week.
We went on a play date, for a walk along the sea wall followed by lunch in a cafe. It was cold so I'd wrapped Goblin in his thermals and waterproofs. He was pretty toasty.
But something in the back of my head had been telling me not to do a long walk on our play date. Something had been suggesting that Goblin needed a quiet day. I ignored whatever that little voice was and pushed on. I also ignored the voice pointing out that while I'd got Goblin all togged up in thermals I'd completely failed to dress appropriately myself. Thus I was somewhat grumpy and cold. 

We hadn't got two minutes into the walk when Goblin started to ask for food. I had snacks in my bag but because we were going for lunch I tried to discourage him and only gave him half a seed bar to share with Elfin. I was ignoring the little voice trying to point out that a hungry child is not going to be a delightful child. 
Goblin started to wail and whine and say he was too tired to walk. He wasn't prepared to walk for half an hour before eating. I tried to tell him he had to walk but in the end his dawdling and whining made the walk unbearable and I gave in and carried him. 
Eventually we got to the cafe. Goblin wouldn't sit with his friends - at the time I thought he was just being awkward, probably because by now I was also hungry and had lost all patience. If I'd bothered to look at the scenario I might have spotted that Goblin was hungry, tired and feeling vulnerable and couldn't cope with the dynamic of having a second friend join us at the cafe - making three kids - not a number that Goblin works well in. 
So he sat on my knee while he ate his lunch. 
And then something "crazy" happened: He became his happy, funny, cheery self. 
OK, it wasn't crazy at all - he had been hungry. He had been trying to tell me he was hungry and that the hunger was also making him tired because he lacked energy. And all I saw was a whiney child who wasn't helping me to enjoy my walk. 
Once the kids had refuelled they were all bouncing and up for more outdoor fun (or should I say some outdoor fun!). We took them to the salt water pool and they happily played in the sand and water ignoring the cold. 
It never ceases to amaze me how blind I can be to some of Goblin's basic needs. I'm often so quick to see him as "acting out", "misbehaving", "being annoying" or "whining" when actually he's just asking me to feed him or put him down for nap. *Sigh*
Maybe I'll spot the signs next time. 

My five faves from last week were
The softly softly approach to fussy eating ~ The Home of Pinkoddy
Parent Revolution ~ Think Magnet
Eat, Mess, Learn ~ The Tao of Poop
Documenting your child's first year ~ Kz and Me
Baby Brain Power ~ Ledoux Sands
And now to the linky

I'm sharing this with
  Country Kids from Coombe Mill Family Farm Holidays Cornwall \

18 comments:

  1. I think it is normal to miss cues lie that!!! We all do it. :)

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  2. That's the type of thing that I'd do, which is silly of me as I get tetchy when my own blood sugar level drops, as does my father and so it's only fair to assume that the same might happen to The Boy. I'm glad that the day was rescued with a good nourishment.

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    1. Yeah I get annoyed when hungry too which was probably half the problem on that day too.

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  3. Conversely, sometimes I try and try to make excuses for Kz's behavior (Maybe he's tired, maybe he's hungry...) but the truth is, he's just in a mood. And that's ok, too! Not pleasant, but ok. Thanks for the reminder to listen to our children. And double thanks for featuring us this week!

    Krissy

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    1. That must be quite tricky to deal with. I'm quite lucky because Goblin doesn't really do moody. If he's acting 'off' it is usually a symptom of some underlying need. Some things are harder to spot than others though - i often feel a bit guilty when I've been getting really fed up with his off behaviour and two days later he comes down with a mega cold.

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  4. Its funny how we recognise the signs in ourselves but not in our children. I am guilty of it too, not realising that the grumpy mood is because they are tired or hungry when I do the same

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  5. TBH though sometimes children do say they are hungry etc if you aren't doing exactly what they want to do - so try not to be too hard on yourself.

    Thank you very much for featuring my post.

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    1. yeah thats true, Goblin went through a phase of saying he was hungry every time we put him to bed, until we realised it was a ploy. Its amazing how quickly children learn what parents see as important - ie I can't let my child go to bed hungry.

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  6. its amazing how basic needs can entirely alter a child.... and an adult... It can be so easy to miss or mistake tho, even in ourselves. Great great post, thanks for opening your parenting self up to your readers; its posts like these that make 'real' parents feel less lonely. xx

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  7. Goblin knows his mind and children can be quite stubborn about basic needs, it is so easy to push on as an adult and forget that kids just can't do this, I'm glad the afternoon worked out well. We have one just like Goblin who just wilts and won't cooperate without food inside him first, but then is the most energetic of them all when fed. An important reminder to all parents. Thanks for sharing on Country Kids, I must remember to join in the parenting party when I have a suitable post, it is a lovely linky.

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    1. We welcome older posts too - sometimes its a chance for people who didn't see them first time round to get a look

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  8. I love this post, love the title. Kids can't communicate that well, so we have to be even better to reading their signs.

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  9. Oh, and thank you for the feature! I was so excited about you post that I forgot to mention it above. :)

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  10. We all have times like that when you wonder why they are being difficult then realise you've not noticed the time and they are hungry. It's a nice reminder that they aren't trying to annoy you and then you feel like a bad Mummy!!!
    I love your photo of the them sitting on the sand especially. Really lovely

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  11. Love this! I totally ignored the signs this week. It had been rainy so I thought to put my son in his rain boots. He insisted on his regular shoes. We hadn't been gone 10 minutes before he was knee deep in puddles and then crying because his shoes were wet. Why don't we listen to ourselves more?

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  12. I can't believe this happened to us yesterday - ESPECIALLY as I had already read your blog and been recently reminded! Nathaniel decided to "row" on our newly hired rowing machine and went at it quite hard and quite long for his four years. Half an hour later he was having a complete melt down because I'd had a shower without him. When he sat down to lunch after much crying/whining he said to me "Mum I think my body used up too much energy rowing. I think I was crying because I was hungry". I felt so bad for missing the signs. And so glad that he is beginning to get to know his own body and that when he feels teary it usually means he needs something, food, a hug, sleep. Thanks for the reminder.

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    1. That is great that he recognised himself that it was hunger that had caused his tears. That's quite a mature response - I still struggle with that myself

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