Sunday 16 September 2012

The Sunday Parenting Party

Taming the Goblin

Welcome to The Sunday Parenting Party. I am so pleased that there have been so many amazing posts linked up over the last week - Thank you. Please grab a button to display on your blog or post if you are linking up this week. That will help others to discover the link up and check out all the great posts. This week I'm linking up the following:
Up until about 6 months ago Goblin was a pretty easy kid to have around. He really didn't tantrum much and he wasn't particularly defiant. But as he is approaching three he has got a lot more determined to have things his way. Its understandable, he is finding his boundaries, he's using his new ability to communicate to let people know his desires, and he is wanting to use his skills of running and playing in the way he chooses and when he chooses, so he is no longer the compliant little lad that you can pop in a trolley and take around the shops. And Hublet and I are finding it increasingly challenging to find appropriate solutions to his acts of 'determination'. 
I have never wanted to hit anyone. I don't think anyone should ever hit anyone no matter how big or small (except in the name of sport - I used to really enjoy kick boxing in my youth, but thats consensual hitting so its different). 
The problem is that through Goblin's transition into a threenager*  he has thrown a spanner in the works because
Sometimes I really want to hit my child!
I know it sounds awful, believe me when I wrote it down I just wanted to delete it straight away. But I think we probably all need to be a bit more honest about the occasional urge to lash out at our kids. Admitting you have a problem is the first step right. 
When you look at the cute pictures of Goblin being adorable you must think how on earth could I ever want to hit that little bundle of cute. But seriously no individual is quite as capable of winding you up as your own child. And sometimes, just sometimes, I am at a loss as to how to get through to my little ball of defiance, and when he does something dangerous that sends my emotions reeling I cannot help contemplating whether a whack would help him understand how serious the situation is.
I don't hit him. I scream and shout at him and hold him firmly so he has to listen - and I know these aren't Positive Parenting techniques but lets face it you'd be a fictional character if you were able to live up to your ideals 100% of the time. 
I don't hit him because just in time I remember that he is tiny, and he is learning. And I am his role model. Sure the screaming and shouting is seriously unhelpful and I am working on that. But when he is testing the boundaries or having a hard day and throwing a tantrum, my reaction should not be to hurt him. So I don't hit him, because hitting is wrong. It's what I tell Goblin and it should apply to me to. 
But that doesn't mean I don't sometimes feel like I want to. So if you are trying to raise your kids without smacking, but sometimes feel its a struggle - you are not alone. 

*I stole the excellent term threenager from Child Led Chaos)

Right, now I have that off my chest, here are my favourite features from last weeks link up. You guys can grab an "I've been featured" button from my button page
The Power of 100 by Prickly Mom
Welcome to Positive Parenting by Positive Parenting Connection
Knowing by Twodaloo
Our Nightly Rhythm by Happy Whimsical Hearts

And now to the linky


  1. I don't really have anything to say but wanted to leave a note on this post - I'm so glad you wrote it. Admitting when I'm not a perfect parent is excruciatingly hard. Every time I yell at my toddler or beg him to leave me alone I know I'm going to feel like crap for it. Knowing that someone else feels the same way is a huge relief.

  2. I am so glad you "admitted it." I'm right there with you.

    There are two books by Elizabeth Pantley, "The No-Cry Discipline Solution," and "Kid Cooperation," that BRILLIANTLY address parental anger and what to do about it. I'm so glad a friend recommended these books to me, because you'd never guess from the titles that they'd be helpful to those of us struggling with anger with our kids.

    1. Thank you for the reminder about the No-Cry Discipline Solution! It's been sitting on my bookshelf, unread since my son was about 18 months. He's just about two and a half and my frustration with him is overwhelming some days. Time to pull that book back off the shelf.

    2. I have heard of the no cry discipline solution. Maybe it's time to attempt another parenting book. So many of them drive me nuts though

  3. I feel you, Mama. As soon as my twins hit the 18-month developmental mark, it seems like they just went bananas, and I'm having to learn patience all over again! My favorite is when they simultaneously try to climb me like a tree, slapping each other away and screaming like little banshees. It's all I can do not to lose my ever-loving mind some days! Anyway, thanks for featuring my NICU post, it is one of my favorites but still a little hard to read. It does help give me a little perspective after a hard day with the twins, though.


    1. That image made me giggle, although I'm sure it's extremely stressful when it's happening to you.

  4. I have thought this so many times but I wish we were in the same country/town so we could support each other on our parenting journey :) I could easily see us down at the park, kids playing and you and I reflecting on our darlings latest antics, set to drive us crazy! LOL! The book recommendations sound good. I think I might have a look around for them. I am actually in the middle of writing a post about Angry Mumma Bear, after a recent wardrobe 'rearrangement, so I am lapping up any hints and tips!

    1. it would be nice wouldn't it. Ah the wardrobe rearrangements - been there so many times, drives me insane.

  5. Thank you for sharing such an honest post with us. It's amazing the depth of feelings both good and bad that kids bring out in us.


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