tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4437312531314961361.post8904962946228036256..comments2023-09-21T12:36:46.064+01:00Comments on Taming the Goblin: Parenting rant!The Monkohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02015980234917286789noreply@blogger.comBlogger25125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4437312531314961361.post-69413175550403652012012-08-10T21:58:06.590+01:002012-08-10T21:58:06.590+01:00Oh Stacia, it must be so much harder with two!Oh Stacia, it must be so much harder with two!The Monkohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02015980234917286789noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4437312531314961361.post-9336961113787485562012-08-10T21:56:29.161+01:002012-08-10T21:56:29.161+01:00Hmm that is an interesting point/dilema. I really ...Hmm that is an interesting point/dilema. I really don't think the school system does our kids any favours when it comes to developing an inquiring mind. On the other hand it does teach them that sometimes you need to suck it up and play their game. Finding that compromise at such a young age must be really tough.The Monkohttp://tamingthegoblin.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4437312531314961361.post-42621496649163352842012-08-10T11:57:36.626+01:002012-08-10T11:57:36.626+01:00My three are 14, 9 and 7. We live in a small villa...My three are 14, 9 and 7. We live in a small village in the UK, so you get a lot of feedback on what you and your family are like/have been up to etc whether you want it or not :D I'm really proud of my eldest in that people always comment on how polite and friendly he is, yet what I have noticed since he went up to secondary school, is that he really struggles with stricter authority.<br /><br />We always had great reports at primary school, but at secondary obviously the teachers are under pressure to work to a tighter curriculum and have their students achieve certain tasks in a certain time frame so basically the kids are expected to fit a general mould, for want of a better analogy. My eldest has found this hard, as we've raised him to question situations that he doesn't understand or doesn't see the validity of, rather than just tow the line - and that is seen as undesirable behaviour by teachers in this environment. He has been "in trouble" a lot the past year through frustration I think, and I in turn have tried to find a middle ground with him and the school, but its hard because he doesn't fit in their box, and while I think it's important for him to learn to compromise to a degree, I don't want him to conform completely.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4437312531314961361.post-32672066545548374042012-08-10T11:56:04.737+01:002012-08-10T11:56:04.737+01:00This comment has been removed by the author.Lisa Dhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14324183166785783295noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4437312531314961361.post-41926196025236700572012-08-09T20:25:25.371+01:002012-08-09T20:25:25.371+01:00Yep that is exactly why we are doing it this way -...Yep that is exactly why we are doing it this way - it just feels so silly getting into arguments about things you don;t really care about just because you feel you need to be 'the authority in the house'. Its so much nicer if I can defuse a situation with a joke, rather than screeching. Thanks so much for sharing the post.The Monkohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02015980234917286789noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4437312531314961361.post-6631618410801447852012-08-09T20:22:48.148+01:002012-08-09T20:22:48.148+01:00That is a really good point - I have just put the ...That is a really good point - I have just put the question out there on my FB blog page to see if there are any Positive Parenting folk with teenagers who can give us a take.The Monkohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02015980234917286789noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4437312531314961361.post-89677018596311613432012-08-09T20:22:01.031+01:002012-08-09T20:22:01.031+01:00You are so right, once you know its a philosophy y...You are so right, once you know its a philosophy you know you can do it "wrong".The Monkohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02015980234917286789noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4437312531314961361.post-28460261290481149372012-08-09T20:21:04.459+01:002012-08-09T20:21:04.459+01:00What great imagery, that made me chuckleWhat great imagery, that made me chuckleThe Monkohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02015980234917286789noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4437312531314961361.post-85875946919118597682012-08-09T20:19:38.136+01:002012-08-09T20:19:38.136+01:00I love your term "Threenager" its is soo...I love your term "Threenager" its is soooo appropriate!The Monkohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02015980234917286789noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4437312531314961361.post-88353701705808615832012-08-09T20:18:30.026+01:002012-08-09T20:18:30.026+01:00Thats very reassuring - I know kids have to grow o...Thats very reassuring - I know kids have to grow out of it at some point but its nice to hear it can be as short as a few monthsThe Monkohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02015980234917286789noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4437312531314961361.post-81117639307526196982012-08-09T19:35:48.506+01:002012-08-09T19:35:48.506+01:00Loved your honesty and how you say that any way pa...Loved your honesty and how you say that any way parents choose they may doubt at some point or another! What I love about the positive approach is that at least the journey is mostly pleasant and not filled with artificially created conflict and def. doesn't have the element of purposefully shaming children just because we "know better"... shared your post on the positive parenting facebook page!!Positive Parenting Connectionhttp://positiveparentingconnection.netnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4437312531314961361.post-78869220140875404832012-08-09T18:27:33.656+01:002012-08-09T18:27:33.656+01:00Oh, wow. I feel you've just described my son!...Oh, wow. I feel you've just described my son! He's a kicker and a puncher, which is not so great when you are trying to hold/comfort/talk to them. I'm not sure what to do with him until he has calmed enough to reason, because if I let him flail around, inevitably, his one year old sister wants to be up in his face trying to see what the problem is and gets kicked for her troubles. Yeesh. If you find a magic pill/tip that works wonders for you, let me know. Otherwise, I think it's just finding your composure (or the shreds of it) and working through it until they can reason for themselves without us playing Jiminy Cricket. Sigh.Stacianoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4437312531314961361.post-85151242924306039432012-08-09T17:18:53.990+01:002012-08-09T17:18:53.990+01:00I am really curious to read/talk about the kids of...I am really curious to read/talk about the kids of parents who already used these principles of discipline and see how they feel about it. Kids who are now teenagers or adults. <br /><br />I want to use this method but I am terrified because, like you said, un-tried and true guns tend to be criticized by everyone!Karelys https://www.blogger.com/profile/07137366335358311482noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4437312531314961361.post-62226272966976402442012-08-09T15:41:30.641+01:002012-08-09T15:41:30.641+01:00When I had my first child, fourteen years ago, I h...When I had my first child, fourteen years ago, I hadn't heard of demand feeding, positive parenting, co-sleeping and the like, I simply thought I was acting on instinct and following my personal childhood memories. The downside (though there are many positives) with making a CONCIOUS decision to follow a certain route is that, if you veer from the path at all you can feel like you've "failed" and be too harsh or judgemental of yourself. Go with the flow is the advice I always give if asked. <br />People think I'm really chilled out as a parent (I don't like to correct them in that I'm actually just a bit lazy and drink lots of wine after bedtime), but that's because they were never there at bedtimes, bathtimes, potty training, tantrum days etc - parenting IS stressful. You have the responsibility of initially shaping another person's view of the world...like...wow! I think your approach sounds awesome, but don't sweat it if you find yourself having to set some boundaries because, as I learnt with my kids - no matter what your personal approach they eventually have to cope with strict rules or degrees of negativity at school and socially and if they're prepared they take it in their stride.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4437312531314961361.post-29266899763168991842012-08-09T07:43:50.197+01:002012-08-09T07:43:50.197+01:00I was giggling as I read your post, so true!! My m...I was giggling as I read your post, so true!! My mother runs a Montessori school and has all th answers for these little wild things- my youngest is not yet 2 but has thrown similar tantrums- set off by change of clothing and he has similarly turned into a rabid drooling kicking beast- to the point where 2 (?!) different times our exit from the house has resulted in a 1/2 on diaper no pants no socks or shoes- placing him in the carseat with GREAT restraint, and wrangling hands and arms and legs while tryin to buckle him in, closing car door ( & banshee sound) and wiping excess sweat from face while catching breath and just wondering if I could walk away from the car with any good conscience- of course I get in- opening the car door tithe ear piercing screeches- & once the car starts to drive he calms down- I end up driving like a scared old lady, waiting for the tantrum to be set off by a question or sound- we have a LONG year to go if this is the way it's going to be!! <br />My mothers read on the situation :: well he's expressing his independence- you need to give him more time and a choice between 2 things u want him to do-<br />These suggestions are very helpful but long and short is tantrums are developmental so you can expect a healthy child to throw them!! My child is " very heathy" ;)Sarahhttp://ecooptionshardwood.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4437312531314961361.post-37073670980585492672012-08-09T04:16:41.592+01:002012-08-09T04:16:41.592+01:00I feel ya dear! 3 years old has been tremendously ...I feel ya dear! 3 years old has been tremendously more trying than 2! Thinking of you!The Iowa Farmer's Wifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11746478042465556037noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4437312531314961361.post-42290694234888859882012-08-08T22:48:01.439+01:002012-08-08T22:48:01.439+01:00I love two year olds and think 'terrible twos&...I love two year olds and think 'terrible twos' is a myth because both my girls were no trouble! MG had a great vocabulary so most of the frustrations of being two were relieved by that; DG was just a far more laid-back child. But three, oh the threenager! DG has turned from a placid, laid-back, easy to look after little girl into a monster who screams, tantrums, whinges, hits and sulks about *everything* (especially about being told off!) MG got whingier and whingier from three onwards until earlier this year as she hit five I was totally reaching the end of the end of the end of my tether and considering whether she might need behavioural help. She's transformed in the last few weeks into a responsible, mature (for 5) and helpful girl (who still whinges, stomps, slams doors etc, but not as often!) <br /><br />The naughty step never worked. Any form of time out or telling off didn't work. I have lost my temper, screamed, berated and been a terrible parent on a regular basis (which *definitely* doesn't work!) but I try to be calm and work with my girls where possible because I honestly don't care if they always say please and thank-you etc and what's the point of a 'sorry' that's been forced out, it's not a real sorry! And you know what, the less you whinge at them, the more they say please and thank-you, and offer to help etc. I doubt they'll ever be tidy though :-)<br /><br />Mostly, 'other people' comment on how lovely my girls are, so it seems to work. I'm grey haired, exhausted and have in-laws complaining about my parenting ("they need chastising" - nope, they don't...) but MG and DG are fundamentally decent people, just a bit whingey with it!Child-Led Chaoshttp://childledchaos.me.uk/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4437312531314961361.post-14151670136513584562012-08-08T16:13:25.990+01:002012-08-08T16:13:25.990+01:00My daughter was wonderful at two and I similarly f...My daughter was wonderful at two and I similarly felt we had breezed through that year. Then three came and took its toll. For us, it only lasted a few months before my calm and sweet daughter returned to us. Of course, those "ugly" moments reappear, but they are more the exception than the rule. From what I hear from my friends, most of them had more trouble with three and than age two. Good luck and hang in there!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4437312531314961361.post-84056097951414165672012-08-08T14:43:16.170+01:002012-08-08T14:43:16.170+01:00Bobo is going through some of the same. He has the...Bobo is going through some of the same. He has the same kind of reaction with freaking out about the weirdest things. I think it's just the struggle for independence. I'd say we use positive discipline, too. Lots of talking instead of spanking and isolation. When someone else reprimands him with words, though, he'll sit quietly and seethe.Mrs. Darlinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02805633032663726843noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4437312531314961361.post-55685096169376558642012-08-08T13:25:03.994+01:002012-08-08T13:25:03.994+01:00Your doing a great job! Parenting is not the easi...Your doing a great job! Parenting is not the easiest job but something that must be done. The threes are a year of independence and discovery!We Can Do All Thingshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16245333926756803235noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4437312531314961361.post-88112901934912851202012-08-08T09:23:55.349+01:002012-08-08T09:23:55.349+01:00yep Goblin is very much the same, the challenging ...yep Goblin is very much the same, the challenging behaviour is either a result of tiredness or often when we are trying to attempt a transition like Pyjamas to day clothes, or trying to get out of the house. I think i just need to slow everything down a bit more.The Monkohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02015980234917286789noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4437312531314961361.post-65289030546962937922012-08-08T08:13:54.547+01:002012-08-08T08:13:54.547+01:00This comment has been removed by the author.The Monkohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02015980234917286789noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4437312531314961361.post-28286584279175861662012-08-08T08:09:58.157+01:002012-08-08T08:09:58.157+01:00Yep I really do think you are right, when goblin i...Yep I really do think you are right, when goblin is freaking out its usually because he is frustrated or tired. Pushing him away is simply illogicalThe Monkohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02015980234917286789noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4437312531314961361.post-86247568211101306092012-08-07T23:52:14.727+01:002012-08-07T23:52:14.727+01:00I empathise! Also using positive parenting here (...I empathise! Also using positive parenting here (with my own special twist of shouting, duh). I also let her know when I am annoyed, frustrated and angry and use natural consequences (so say on Sunday she deliberately (or so it seemed) tipped over the mop bucket, threw things around and peed herself, so I put her upstairs - not as a punishment but because we couldn't get the floor cleaned with her around. Explained it all to her (relatively) calmly and brought her down again when floor cleaned. I think it tends to happen when she is tired/grumpy/not getting the attention she needs (but which we would have to be superhuman, and have several clones to give!!)Rachhttp://sparklingbay.blogspot.co.uk/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4437312531314961361.post-14672446246657604252012-08-07T23:30:03.023+01:002012-08-07T23:30:03.023+01:00My daughter was a much calmer and cooperative chil...My daughter was a much calmer and cooperative child and we had very few of those tantrums. My son is a completely different character and I have been the woman whose child screams his head off at the supermarket and nothing will do the trick. Yet we have used the same parenting philosophy for both of them. As much as frustrating that is, I believe in gentle discipline and I like the idea of time-in as opposed to time-out. Those moments,when my son loses his self-control,are the very moments he needs his parent's help.So I would rather seek ways to try to reconnect with him,than putting him on the corner of a room or on the naughty step. Oh and of course,parenting is the easiest job when you don't have a kid yourself ;)Isil Simsekhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11848918410956563032noreply@blogger.com